"Self"

When you think of self, you probably thinking of words like yourself, myself, anything that has self at the end of a word. I'm going to be writing about Self Esteem, Self Confidence and Self Care. We need all 3 and God on a daily.

Self-esteem refers to whether you appreciate and value yourself. We as women have to make sure we feel good about ourselves. Our self esteem will influence our decision making, relationships and our own emotional health and our over all well being on a daily. We have to be positive on a daily even when we have storms brewing from time to time. When our self esteem is low we tend to not want to get out of bed, fix ourselves or even want to go out into the real world. We just want to be locked away so nobody sees us. I know all to well how it feels to have a low self esteem, where you feel like you don't belong and nothing can ever go right. Let me tell you all something about this. I'm keeping it real, my self esteem had been shattered for a long time and I allowed myself to go through that. I feel like God put me through darkness so I could slow down and realize I was going fast nowhere. It took for a death in my family to hit so hard that made me realize that I was relying on others to accept me and to define who I was instead of relying on God and his view of me, my purpose in life.. When Ru passed away, I didn't have a chance to grieve because I was too busy harboring over someones words that shattered my heart deeply and still to this day plays victim. Where I'm going with this, my self esteem relied on others to make me who I thought I was. Don't ever let anyone put your self esteem down, its not theirs to play with its yours to take control of. People will do and say things to get you off your tracks. Don't allow negative people destroy you because you don't think or do thing the way they do. We are all created differently. Their validation and acceptance was what I thought made me. Just recently I figured it out. I'm the only person that can motivate myself to be better and to accept myself for who I am. I am beautiful, smart, kind and I love with all my heart. If I continue believing in myself that will make me a better Wife and mother especially a mother that I so desired to be. I want my girls to see a strong, motivated and driven woman. I want my girls to see my positive sides and see the ambition I have for life. We have to believe in ourselves because nobody can do that for you. Sure, it feels nice when others see how valuable you are but be careful because there will people out there just wanting to drain you out for the wrong intentions. Of course you will be faced with trials but its how you tackle them is how it will define the person you are. A healthy self esteem is knowing not to dwell on negative past experiences, knowing you are equal to others not better or worse but EQUAL, have a positive outlook at life, learn how to say no when you don't want to do things and lastly, see your overall strength and weakness and be OK with it. Always fight your battles on your knees and let God do the rest.

Self confidence is an attitude about your skills and abilities. Meaning that you can trust and have acceptance of yourself and have control of your own life. Knowing your worth and strengths and weaknesses can help you make realistic goals in life. In other words, don't take on more than you can handle. If you know you can't do something or its just too much, just say No. The important people in your life should be willing to respect your No's and understand there is a reason why you can't do something. If they have a problem with it be willing to either step away if they continue to drain you or criticize your decisions or learn to deal with it and let it go and hope they will be OK with you. We all have an inner instinct, learn to read others intentions and use your own judgment on what to do or deal with the situation with confidence. We all have positive abilities and skills but be careful that your are doing the right thing. The motive behind the action is more important than the action itself. (my aunt Isabel famous quote, my mentor) Remember that when we have a low self esteem its hard to have self confidence so don't cheat yourself from having a positive and enjoyable life but use the talents that God gave us all and that was self confidence to do all things things through Christ who gives us strength everyday. Like myself, I'm confident in the way that I know I'm a great mother to my four daughters and I will do anything to make sure they have what they need. Do I fail at times as a mother? Yup, but my girls see that I humble myself and fix my mistakes. I'm teaching my girls when the going gets tough, just be confident enough to put in the work and fix the problem where it needs fixing. You have to be willing to fail at times and be OK with it, these are important lessons in life, they aren't weakness but it sure makes us stronger. Learning hard lessons along the way is a part of life and that's where we get our growth.

Self care is everything related to staying physically healthy including hygiene, nutrition, and seeking medical care when needed and I'm adding spending time with God. Emotional self-care, such as self-talk, weekly bubble baths, saying “no” to things that cause unnecessary stress, giving yourself permission to take a pause, or setting up a weekly lunch/coffee date with a friend. Go out and have a girls day its OK to do, gives you time with people who speak your language. I know I need it, I need to socialize. Physical self-care, such as prioritizing sleep, adopting an exercise routine you can stick with, choosing healthy and nourishing foods over highly processed ones. We need to find time for ourselves even if its going out for a walk or watching a show or even taking a nap when you can. I love naps but sometimes its hard to get one in when you have a four year old that doesn't come with an off switch, I love her but oh my goodness, she is on the go all day long. I am just learning how to get "me time" after being a mom for sixteen years. I have always been on the go for my daughters and forgot what it was like just to get some time for me. Its OK to get a little time for yourself and to rejuvenate so you can be sane and ready to go again. A healthy mom means our children have the best of us. Spiritual self-care, such as attending a religious service, spending time in nature, meditating, incorporating regular acts of kindness into your day, or keeping a gratitude journal. This part of self care I have trouble in. Ill be honest, I believe in God but I haven't been to church in a long while. When I was going, it always made my week better. Doesn't mean it was a perfect week but it was handled better when situations arise that were difficult at times. I've noticed when writing positive things in a journal daily it helps set the tone for the day.

You all, Self esteem, Self confidence and Self care has to come from within yourself. Surround yourself with people who genuinely love you for who you are and not for what you can do for them. Don't get me wrong, please do for others only if your heart is in the right place. Remember, the motive behind the action is more important than the action itself. I myself love to serve people and I'm great at it. I'm a servant by heart but I had to learn the hard way a couple of times when I didn't realize when it was the wrong move, so make sure you are confident with yourself with your decision making because it doesn't only affect you but the it affects the people around you seeing you going through trouble when it could have been avoided. Accept and value and be confident in the way you carry yourself and make sure to give yourself some time for you. Always talk to God first thing in the morning and thank him for waking you up and for the amazing day you will have and end your day thanking him at night for all your blessings for the day.

Super Mom trying to stay afloat.